Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
Hello everyone! 
I know, it's been way too long since I've posted a journal, or anything really..... there's been a few stuff here and there but nothing really like "oh my glob, that's so oh my glob" so yea. AND THE REASON FOR THAT IS I'm working now in studio at the college. I have three time slots this semester, yes you're looking....well, reading....the journal of KCTYFM's new full time Radio Personality (host/DJ) I work 3 times a week but am in the studio 5 times a week and constantly making and diminishing playlists that I'm going to play in between talking and giving PSAs. It's a full time job on top of being a full time student. 





I'm on on Tuesdays (10-12) in the morning PST and again on Tuesday afternoons (3-5) PST and I'm on Thursday nights from (6-7) PST 

KCTYFM.ORG - if you or someone you know is in a band or produces music and you or your friend/someone you know want to get on the radio send me a Note - and i'll get to you as soon as I can ^^ 

I love my job :3 
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: MandoBrony - I'll Fly Higher
This Semester  has really made me  stronger, I think I can face more obstacles. I passed my art final, (perfect score) and I have one more final. That'd be my Astro final, I take my Astro final the same day I find out what I got on my English Final. The end of the Semester is soooo close! To celebrate my freedom (until February 3rd) I'm making bases for you guys and I'll upload (decent) pictures of my paintings. 
So, I was going through some of my old notes on my computer of 2D outline of Pearce I-forget-his-last-name-because-it-was-stupid-and-I-had-alot-of-shit-going-on-to-care and I came to realize.... My new OC Pearce Has-no-real-last-name has a crappy back story. I don't know why I decided to start this project right before my life made a huge turn. So yea, I think square 6 through 2 need to be erased and I need to start at square 1 of this thought dice .... I don't even know what I'm writing right now. 

So yea, might change Pearce's name to something sexier because I'm not keeping that crappy back story. 

  • Mood: Daily Needs
okay, because I got a tablet and such.... I'm going to attempt to draw bases again. 
I got a lot of hate from my bases before so all of them wound up getting deleted. (sorry) 
I'm currently working on a KyoXTohru base in honor of me spending six to eight hours today watching and reading my Fruits Basket. (I just packed Volume 1-23 including Banquet and -Cat- the jitters are kicking in, so I might unpack them and re-read volume 6, 7, 8, and 21, 22, and 23. Because those are my all time favorite books in the series) 

so if you have any requests on a base 
comment below on what you want/need to be a base and I will make it one. 

if you donate a :iconpointsplz: or :iconllamabadgeplz: it'll insure that I make the base you want. 
If not, comment why/what you want to do with my base(s) once I've completed/uploaded them
and you'll be my project for the day/week. 
  • Mood: Happy
thank you guys for all the Birthday wishes :heart: my twenty-first was amazing. Had  to work this morning but after work I hung out with my close friends and family. :iconvampyerangel: and :icongallantwolfaura: (my two best friends) showed up and really made it magically by peer pressuring me into taking a shot of baracadi xD the theme apperantly was alcohol and chocolate since thats what everyone got me :thumbsup: it was fun. I'm exhausted and have to get back to work, but thank you all so much!!
  • Mood: Happy
I don't care, stop crying. I don't care, stop crying. Deep breaths, stop crying. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. stop crying. deep breaths....I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. It's not worth it, crying is stupid.  I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. stop crying. stop it. stop it. stop it.  .....I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

I. don't. care.
I...... can't......
because I do care.....
and it hurts, my chest hurts, my eyes hurt, I don't want too, but I care... and I can't stop crying....

please stop crying....
  • Mood: Shitty
I have to upload what I drew yesterday and what I drew today. (Yes, it is almost three in the morning)
  • Mood: Artistic
  • Watching: Haunted Collector
  • Eating: Hot Pocket
  • Drinking: Sprite
I think I'm going to start doing Pokemon-Meshup drawings because they're really cute and Summer starts in two days (My last final is on Friday May 31st). Here's what I have planned for Summer 2013 --

- Finishing Airi's story
- starting Pearce's story
- Pokemon Meshups
- Re-opening my Commissions (costs 1-5 points)

and some other stuff
  • Mood: Artistic
  • Watching: Haunted Collector
  • Eating: Hot Pocket
  • Drinking: Sprite
my birthday is a little over a month  away and Doctor Who ends next weekend (season 7) so if I don't get the DVD on my own I really want someone to buy it for me for my birthday ;-; that being said, I'm still not sure how I'm traveling to Colorado before the fall semester  starts so DVDs I need movies and stuff that doesn't   need wifi ....just in case there's driving involved. I like the train idea though.... anyway, if you know where I can get the K-Drama 'You are Beautiful' (당신은 아름답습니다) so I can have it and not have to rely on my Netflix (although, I don't mind....Netflix is awesome) it's just that whole wifi thing.... (and my phone is broken, so if it dies on the Netflix  app I will never be able to turn it back on.)

Oh a big shout out to Jessica <3 she has conversations with me in Korean to help me learn Korean (and she introduced me to Robby....Robby is awesome. Went on a few dates with him last week, have something planned on thursday with him because my friend Stephanie is supposed to meet up with me tomorrow and tuesday. Wednesday is my free day.... blah blah blah....) soo THANK YOU JESSICA FOR SPEAKING KOREAN TO ME <3 love it!

I'm watching You are Beautiful right now actually xDD
my pig-rabbit is sitting in my lap on top of my computer o3o's hot....

로비 나 자신의 돼지 토끼 호출하고 나는 그를 내 스타 전화 <3
  • Mood: Happy
  • Watching: 당신은 아름답&
So, this weekend went great, which is good. Made up for the shit I had to deal with in the  same week as Jake and my Anniversary....and I have the whole, thinking about his death in July to look forward /sarcasm/ spent the weekend with my wifey she went to the performance Nikki was singing in. Then we had dinner /very late dinner/ at Denny's. Which was the same one I took Liz to when we were taking French Class together /last semester/ she's supposedly going to my Birthday/pool party in June :heart: last year she crashed my party, it was so cute. She's so cute. /I didn't know her last year/ .....and I did in fact make up my mind, I AM TAKING A SUMMER COURSE /sorry Nikki, your bestie is behind.....she needs to sacrifice a few hours during Monday Wednesday and Thursday of this summer /BUT THATS PRACTICALLY THE WHOLE SUMMER! (I know this, but SACRIFICES must be made!)/ yes, I am having conversations with myself /don't judge me (Unless you know me, then cool.....keep THAT SHIT UP!!) and if you want to know me, FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR ....or stalk me at the mall/school/Eddy's Liquor/or Chipotle/  .....whichever   (yea, thats the life of a college student, when I'm not at school/home studying my ass off.....I'm in these places) uhm../

So after dinner last night, I was momentarily happy high /I had just had Cheesecake....Cheesecake makes me happy high (and I was with the two most amazing people ever) / so some time between that dinner and getting home I had lost my ID but I didn't know this until this morning/afternoon when we went to Costco and it wasnt in my little purse. /I HATE THAT LITTLE PURSE. IT IS not BIGGER ON THE Inside...../ so of course, my STATE ID not being in my PURSE made me a little panicky...../I don't do well when I'm.....panicky/ BUT I DID VERY WELL ......I didn't cry /usually I cry/ *very proud of herself, yes she is...yes she is* I did go through all the stages of grief for my ID though. Denial, /I took everything out of my purse....(my very small purse) I did this.....3 or 4 times...../ Anger, /I was more frustrated with myself than I was Angry...../ Bargaining, / "Let's go back, and retrace my steps from Denny's to home..." (yea, that bad....)/ Depression, /My ID was gone.....I felt.....naked. I could have died! or worse, got hit by someone and LIVED ....but was out cold.... AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW WHO I WAS!(not to mention it's very much illegal to walk around without ID, I think for that very reason)/  and finally Acceptance, /I was PREPARED to go down to the DMV and get a new one.....(but it wouldn't be my beloved......) I was even pumping myself up to go get my permit [(need to broaden my world....right now, I only travel between two cities {because that's all I can afford} ....but one of these days, I'm going to want to DRIVE somewhere that I can't take my motor scooter/public transportation/walk/hitch hike/ too) ......I'm so f-ing scared I'll kill someone though xD (not very coordinated [you think I'm joking? I broke my foot WALKING. Then I gave myself a concussion {it was really bad} two weeks later and was in the hospital for 10+ HOURS {I couldn't see, and........I have half a brain, at the time I was a MEDICAL MIRACLE, -shows you how untrained Instant Care is....-}]/

So we went back to Costco, I just renewed my old Costco card /yay/ and we  went shopping /double yay../ after shopping, I was walking up to the house and THERE IT WAS my franking ID Card, just sitting there /chillin'/ underneath the  franking bushes /like, sup? Guess how long I've been laying here?/ and I was like WHUT, THE, FUCK?! so, I don't have to go to the DMV anymore /which is really good, because I don't really want to study to get my Driving permit......./ and then my wifey helped me put up my hair. /because I'm a lost cause/ and we chilled for a bit ........ yea.

After she left to go home, I had a very deep conversation /with my Mum/ about the trip to Colorado I'm taking to meet a women who missed out on my should be fun...../I suppose/ I plan on dying my hair pink and getting a back tattoo before I meet her though xD bwahahaha /I actually, really am going to do it... I have really bad social anxiety around people I don't know....(which is sad, because the person I'm meeting is my biological grammy) xD/

All in all, great weekend.  
Thank you life..... I know you'll just fuck me over later, but thanks xD
needed a break from BAD

this weeks goals:

- upload shit to DA
- Draw shit
- Write shit
- clean my room
- go to ALL my classes (not ditching. Cant afford it....)
- sleep
- study Chapter 10 for Anthro quiz

it's late/early c:
  • Mood: Happy
  • Listening to: Just Dance
So, my friend Nathan and I got into this HUGE argument on Wednesday morning because he was siding with my now ex girlfriend ...his boyfriend hates me too, but I think there's some jealousy issues wrapped up in that tiny but adorkable body of his..... anyway, I really miss him and I hope he's okay - I survived May 2nd and ditched my Anthropology class this morning to go to the park with my wifey (my other best friend - Stephanie....who told me if Amy /my ex - whatever she was/ was still giving me problems to send her her way.....yea....)tomorrow we're going to Nikki's performance together and then she's crashing at my house  ( room is a mess....) I haven't been sleeping well, so while I was watching Mulan into Degrassi into ....something I completely slept through.... I was in and out of sleep. (I don't even remember Stephanie leaving....)

Fat Lion got up out of the window and is now sprawled across my lap, so now I'm side typing ......doesn't she know it's hot?! D;

(I call Naomi /my cat/ Fat Lion all the time. She responds to them all ......)


fucking love that movie  

  • Mood: It's Hot
  • Listening to: Reprobate Romance
Happy 5th anniversary Jake......

to: my Mad Hatter
from: your Alice

Everything is okay down here Jake,

I know it may look like I'm struggling to live in a world without you by my side (and yes, it's been a struggle)
but I have promises to keep and (your) sister to watch out for, (which reminds me, I'll need to call her....haven't heard from her in awhile) is it nice in Wonderland Mr. Hatter? (Don't answer that, I already yearn to be there with you, by your side) Say hi to Amy, Trevor, and Jeremiah for me, make sure the youngsters are getting a long.... (and hug Nina for me....) Have you found my Nana yet? Has she made you dinner? It's good right? I miss her cooking.....I miss her knitting, her laugh, her smile...... if she is there with you, tell her I still sleep with "Baby" (she'll know who I'm talking about so you don't need to go into great detail for her) hug her, kiss her, tell her I love her, and that my dad still thinks about her (constantly) - what would Mum do? Tell her he still sleeps with the quilt she made after I was born....


I put on the necklace you gave me for my birthday (before you....)
I put on your shirt (it doesn't smell like you anymore......)
I read our notes..... (and I'll continue to read them into the late afternoon)

Hold that seat next to you for me
but don't pour me tea just yet....

be patient my love,

because I'm living these days out for me so I can spend eternity in Wonderland with you.
I love you Jake the Snake....

- Amanda Panda
  • Mood: It's Hot
I picture Heaven being like a Tea Party in Wonderland

Jeremiah would be the door mouse
Amy would be the crazy hare
Kristy would be tweedle dee
and her brother Joseph would be tweedle dum
Trevor would be the roses that bloomed around the table
and Jake.....

Jake would be the mad hatter
in his hand would be a first edition of Edgar Allan Poe's 'The Raven'
behind him would be a TARDIS
and in the seat next to him,
a little red slightly damaged teddy bear that's missing his left eye

when I would arrive in this Heavenly scene
he would smile
his beautiful half smile
extend his white glove
and allow me to grab it

something I have been longing to do for 3 and a half years....

he would pull me into his lap
and kiss me
whispering against my lips
that he would never leave me alone again

Mad Hatter would finally be reunited with his Alice

I would spend eternity there
in his lap
holding my tattered teddy bear
and drinking tea
the way I like it
with all the friends and loved ones I have lost

but in order for me to get to that
and achieve the goal of spending eternity with Jake
in his arms
in that chair
surrounded by the ones I've lost

I need to live out my life
and enjoy the days given to me
the days that my friends have lost
and I have to be strong

for them
for him
for me

I have to be strong
for my Wonderland........
  • Mood: Angsty
  • Listening to: AN Jell
tagged by: :iconimtheawesomehero:


1. You must post these rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you, and create new questions for the people you tag to answer.
3. You have to choose 10 people to tag and post their icons on your journal
4. Go to their pages and tell them you have tagged her/him.
5. No tag backs.
6. No crap in the tagging section about "you are tagged if you're reading this." You have to tag 10 people.

1) Fav Anime?

- Fruits Basket
- Ouran High school Host Club
- Death Note
- Heart no Kuni no Alice

2) Fav Food?

- Orange Chicken and white rice from Panda Express
- 5 guys cheese burger with tomatoes and hot sauce
- Burrito Bowl from Chipotle Mexican Grill

3) Fav Color?

- Black
- Tardis Blue
- Dark purple
- Crimson Red

4) Do you have any pets, what are they, and what are there names?

- two cats, and a dog
- Cats: Naomi and Robin
- Dog: Tosh
- I had three gold fish named Thing 1 Thing 2 and Tweedle Dee - they got eaten by my cat Sally when she was alive.

5) Whos your best friend?

- my best friend is :icongallantwolfaura:

6) Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend and who?

- yes, I have a boyfriend, he has a DeviantArt account but is never on and he follows me sooo I'm pretty sure he has been spammed multiple times by me. My ex girl friend also follows me on DevArt she too is never on and follows me. LOL

7) Where do you love to go the most?

- ANYWHERE THAT SELLS MANGA/ANIME STUFF the coolest store I've come across so far is still "Small Wonders"

8) Is there something or someone you would die for?

- I'd die to protect my family and the friends that I consider my family that would include :icongallantwolfaura: and :iconvampyerangel:

....and I tag......

:iconkaitohiroyuki: :iconleafpooltc: :iconvampyerangel: :icongallantwolfaura: :icondarlingnamine: :iconxxskyblackxx: :iconarticshadow: :icontaledfox: :iconbluelink525: :iconstarcystal96-fan:
  • Mood: I Have To Pee
  • Watching: Ouran High school Host Club
so after I finish this mlp addition of GBR I think I'm going to write another story.... the question behind the plot of that story "What would of happened if Airi didn't know who Sin was and they never met" I'm low hey excited for this idea.... but at the moment it is just an idea... so it might change
  • Mood: Artistic
  • Listening to: iphone Music
I just received word  that the art community at Renaissance High School for the Arts is being cut up and stabbed at.

A few years a go it was Stage Crew, which was a class strictly run by teachers Brian Mehl, Nancy Pink, and Susan Thrasher all really amazing teachers. But Brian Mehl, the head of the stage crew department got the slip - everyone knows of the slip. And the next year, the class was gone.

Now the same thing is happening to it's choir program, they've already done the cut on the program for the rest of  the year - and are saying that'll it'll come back next year. But it won't be the same, and they'll just cut it again until they find that they don't really need it anymore.

This is where our voice needs  to come out and we need to speak out and tell them that this is wrong. The school is strictly run on the arts and choir is one of the big ones.


Stage Crew

Video Production


Driver's Ed

they even made cuts in the infancy center, which has been around since Renaissance was Reed.

where's the next cut going to be? huh? It may seem silly, but it's utterly ridiculous. And all this for a new school in Signal Hill? IF THERE'S NO MORE MONEY DON'T MAKE A NEW SCHOOL. It's disgusting….if there's no money, put a hold on building the school…Sure as hell don't take from such a small ART school. When do small cuts become big GASHES?  

You all have a voice, you all have a chance to save this school from anymore cuts… you, you're brothers, you're sisters, you're kids.. they will all be effected by this we need to act, and we need to act now!

Reblog this, spread the word, save this school!

while there's still something worth saving!!!!

Operation SAVE THE ARTS needs to trend, on here, on facebook, on twitter, blogger, anywhere where you have a voice and people can hear you! Because this needs to be heard!
  • Mood: Torment
  • Listening to: iphone Music
I think I'm going to be single for a really long time,
and I'm okay with that.
Because being alone is far better then being backed into a corner
or caged up like a lab rat forced to read and re-read his bullshit about me, or worse - hear it, feel it. Suffer in Silence.. Abuse is abuse even psychological, although the wounds are hidden skin deep, the scars don't fade... and I'm trying, don't get me wrong....

I'm trying so hard to stay away. But I can't seem to stay away for long.. my mind is snagged on the idea that I'm the reason he's upset, that I'm a slut because the majority of my BEST FRIENDS are guys... his words echo in my head, repeating itself like a broken record and it drives me to tears.... tears I cant cry because my stomach is in knots, the urge to vomit suppressing because my stomach is empty from the meals I've skipped.

That's what it's like with him... it's a constant "I'm sad and it's your fault"
"She's spending the day with some guy named (such and such - fill in the blank), guess I never really meant anything to her she's such a slut"

I  want him to leave me alone
but I also want him to be okay  
I have far to much to live  for
and these thoughts,
these horrible ideas,

they seep through
and I find myself
running back in that  trap
that stupid

and the cycle repeats itself again....

I hope I'm going be single for a really long time,
because I don't think I can do this again.
I don't want to do this again.

I'd rather die alone
then be with Matthew Hayes
  • Mood: Torment
  • Listening to: iphone Music
I'm starting an Ask-Airi Cambell-Mal, segment; where you my beloved Watchers ask my OC anything.... I figured since, I'm done with her journal and want a fresh clean start without sadness and drama in her life. I'd start this to help jump start a 3rd segment. (yes, this started as a mear story that branched to a journal where I put myself in Airi's shoes - now I want to do something else.... I've never done this before. But I want people to ask ANYTHING ....get to know my original character Airi.)

here's what's already set  in stone:

Airi is the lead singer in Gummy Bear Revenge
she was married to Sin Anderson who was murdered by her aunt this year
she had his Son
Xander (her son) is a healthy 5 month baby boy
she is now dating Chester who plays Bass for Gummy Bear Revenge
Chester has loved her since they first met
Gummy  Bear Revenge is set to release their second album 'This means War' in February 2013

it could be anything


"What is your opinion on...."
"which celeb would you...."
"would you rather..."

yada yada
etc etc
  • Mood: Artistic


Journal Entry: Wed May 30, 2012, 3:20 PM
Etsy - Commissions - Contest

i want to write this before my excitement high disappears
so,  so so ive been stressing all semester about my college reading class
and I havent done that well the first two times ive taken it
so i was dreading today
i took a deep breath and logged in
its not an A
but its not a C either
and i thought that a C OR D was the grade i was going to get for sure
I was sooo excited SOOOO HAPPY  

  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: Snow White's Poison Bite

i did it!

Journal Entry: Sun Apr 1, 2012, 9:43 AM
Etsy - Commissions - Contest

i did it! i finished GBR <the story ive been writing for almost a full semester>
theres no way in hell im ever posting it on DA
because there are too many art thieves
and i just dont fully trust this system with my written work
*tee hee* -,-''

im just glad, that part of my life is a lot less stressful :3


22 chapters
a prologue
an epilogue
85 pages
single spaced
13 weeks
6 hours a day
4 days a week

-- my life REVOLVED around this story --

  • Mood: dA Love
  • Listening to: the birds chirp outside.